Many studies have been done showing the importance of family conversations with children and the impact family talks have on areas such as at-risk behavior, mental health, healthy relationships, resilience, and overall wellbeing. Table talks are a great way to start conversations with children of any age and can be as short as 10 minutes. This can be done after school each day, once a week, however you choose to set it up. One of the most common ways to start and establish table talks, however, is during dinner. Dinnertime gives you an excuse to sit together, eat and have daily and/or life conversations. It also gives you an opportunity to talk about your day with your child(ren) as well. Below I have listed a few ideas on how to have conversations with your child(ren):

The easiest way to do table talks is during a meal, typically during dinner since it is at the end of the day. Each member of the family gets to talk about wins and opportunities of their day and/or ask questions to other members. This allows the family to bond, hear each other, and release negative tension or emotions if needed. It becomes a safe space to vent without fear or judgment and also allows for positives to be celebrated.

These can be done once or a few times a week. As a family, set aside a time and day to sit down together and talk about anything you choose. It's recommended that these last for no more than an hour. You can even set it up where each family member picks a topic for one meeting and rotate. This can be as simple as setting household rules and expectations to life lessons and concerns from stranger danger, fire safety, drug use dangers, relationships, etc. Topics and intensity can change based on the age of your children. This can also be time you allow your children to openly talk to you about any questions or concerns they may have. **Keep in mind, family conversations in this manner should become a safe space where you and your family should not feel fear of getting yelled at, in trouble, punished, judged, etc.

This is a tactic that has been used in couples therapy but can work in most situations involving conflict. When adapted properly, it can help facilitate any conflicts arising between family members. Fair fighting sets out rules and expectations that have to be followed during the facilitation. It allows you to argue civilly, safely, and with an end goal of common ground or resolution without any tension or heated arguments.

Before the fair fighting begins, each person needs to come up with a plan to answer specific questions. Why are you upset? When did this happen? What do you need the other person to understand? What is your goal for the outcome of this? Writing down some notes to help you remember could be beneficial.

To make sure this doesn't turn into a screaming match, one person speaks at a time. No matter how much you want to make a comment on a statement the other may say, you must wait until they say they're finished before you speak. You may take turns going back and forth but not until the other person is finished speaking. You can flip a coin to see who starts.

No matter what, no matter if you disagree with something being said, there must be no yelling. No degrading language, body movements, body language. This takes away the point of the entire aspect. The goal is for everyone to feel heard, safe, and come to an understanding. Once yelling starts, then all of that goes away.

This is a big one. As said with no yelling, there should be no name calling, foul language, or anything said or gestured to purposely hurt, embarrass, trigger, or anger the person you're in conflict with.

No matter the situation, even if the current one is similar, the past should not be brought into the present conflict. This piece ties in with no shame, blame or guilt. In almost every conflict, both parties are wrong in at least one way. "Well just last week I asked you to do the dishes and you didn't do them." If that statement isn't about why the bathroom didn't get cleaned today then leave it in the past. The only exception is if a point is being made. IE: "I feel frustrated when I ask you to get chores done and they don't. I need your help around the house, I don't feel like I'm asking for much but it does upset me when I ask you to do things like clean the bathroom or clean the dishes and they aren't finished." In this statement the person is explaining how THEY feel to the other person, why they feel how they do, and what exactly caused them to feel this way.

This piece is very important and extremely useful. "I" statements allow you to express YOURself and your thoughts without having it sound like you're blaming the other person. The way an "I" statement is properly used is "I feel (insert emotion) when (insert explanation). IE: I feel frustrated when I ask you to clean your bathroom and it does not get done. Cleaning the bathroom is part of your chores. What I need is for you to do all of your chores. We came up with our chore system as a family.

Once each party has said their piece and responded, you can now work together to find a happy medium or some sort of agreement. The bathroom gets cleaned every Saturday along with completing your other weekend chores before going out with friends. Not doing this can result in no allowance, not going out, etc.